the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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