Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
