I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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