is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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