she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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