There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
