I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
