I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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