I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
