New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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