He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
As shirtless as possible
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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