Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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