I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
