: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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