I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
