I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
