Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
