Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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