I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
