allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
