Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
