I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
