I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
