Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
