So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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