SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
