Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
