We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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