You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
