haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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