i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think my moral compass just broke
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
