I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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