shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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