My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
