i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
