just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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