My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
two words...techno handjob
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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