Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
