i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
handjob tips. give me some.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
