I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
