I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
wow bdsm is so cute
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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