I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
