At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Blood and glitter go together right?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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