I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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