So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
