So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
True college students do jello shots in the library
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
