you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
