The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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