He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize