you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
