Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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