Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
