come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think my vagina is haunted
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
