i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
