porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
