Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i out mim tonsoeep
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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