when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
