So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
