If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
