is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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