I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
