Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
