so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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