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Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
