it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
