took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
