if i died would you start the facebook group?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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