Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
